I’ve asked for Feb 15th and 18th off of work. If I can get the time off, I’ll be heading up to Toledo to run Pathfinder events at a convention. It will be my first Convention since 2009, and the first one I’ve ran official events.
As most people who know me know, I had a nervous break down in 2004. It’s kept in check with medication, but I still don’t like crowds. I’ve a finite amount of tolerance for crowds, and strangers, before I have to run away.
My first Pathfinder Society game in 2011 I almost didn’t make it. By the time we were done, I caught myself rocking back and forth (a sign that my stress levels are too high), and spent most of the next day asleep. It was mentally exhausting. And a blast.
Since then I’ve been able to fun games, and stay out all day. January is stressful for me because I’m on the phones. Not because I can’t do customer service (I can likely do any job at work). Because I don’t want to. But I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. So after the stress of this month, I’ll be putting myself in a different challenge.
And yet this is a dry run for what is to come. If I can handle the stress in Toledo, I’ll e running events at Origins. Much bigger convention. And if I can handle Origins…
I know I’ll never be as I was before the breakdown. Hells, there are parts of me I don’t want to be ever again. But I’ll keep moving forward and be the best I can be.